Face it, You Are an Idiot

If you’re an idiot, just admit it. You’ll make life for everyone so much better.

I was at Lowes this weekend, picking up some stuff to get my house in show-ready condition. One of the things I needed was a trim/molding piece of wood to go under the kitchen window. The idiot kitchen remodeler left it unfinished, but I digress. After some walking around, I find the size and style of trim I want. Unfortunately the trim only comes in too-large-for-any-car 10-ft lengths. I take the trim over to the lumber area and push the call button next to the huge radial arm saw. A teenager employee comes by and says they can only cut plywood. I insist their industrial-grade radial saw can handle my 2-inch trim piece. He says they just can’t do it, but at the checkout they can give me a hand saw to cut it down myself. Lame, I think, but okay, I need to get this done and teaching Lowes how to do business will be left for another day.

After the usual 10+ minute wait in the only human-run chekout line, I get to the front. I mention I’d like to use a saw to cut my wood. She calls someone over, points to the cage of power tools, then asks me which one I’d like to buy. I explain, “No, I was told I could use a saw to cut my wood after I checkout.” She replies, “Oh no, we don’t do that. We don’t rent saws.” I tell her about the guy in lumber. She dismisses my story and calls her cashier supervisor. They both talk it over (ignoring me) and she returned and says, “Nope, we don’t do that.” I suggest they page the guy from lumber. She’s not happy at this point. She tells me again, “Sir, we don’t have any saws up here, we don’t offer that.” I tell her again, “Page the guys from lumber, I’m sure he can clear this up.” I’m told, “There is no saw here, we don’t do that.” … then she realizes I’m not moving until she pages the lumber guy, which she does. He shows up in about 30 seconds (far less time than all the complaining she insisted on). She says, “This guy wants to cut his board, but I told him we don’t do that.” He sees me, we exchange a quick ‘hey’ and tells her, “Yeah, just have him come over to the exit and he can use the saw outside.” She’s not happy, but takes my credit card and cashes out my order.

I met the guy outside and sat my trim on a shopping cart and cut the board roughly in half. I thanked him and left wondering if I’m the only one who goes through life dealing with one idiot after another.